Recently, I got this note from an entrepreneurial client and
friend of mine who started a metal powders company that makes high tech parts
for spaceflight companies like Amazon founder Jeff Bezos’ Blue
Origin:
I have to tell you, that I think of you more than you
realize I'm sure. Every time I'm going into a meeting with someone, I
pull my phone out and turn it off or to vibrate. You did that one time we
met and I never forgot how I felt "Wow, he's taking this very serious and
only wants to concentrate on me while we're meeting." Very powerful
stuff.
That made my day.
I’ve spent my professional career helping others become
better communicators. It may be called marketing research, ad testing,
strategic marketing planning, leadership communications or even university
teaching, but it boils down to figuring out how you can be better today than
you were yesterday. Slight, continuous improvements lead to big results
over time.
In working with hundreds of clients over the last 25 years,
I’ve come to believe that the most profound gift you can give someone is your
time and complete attention.
Within in your grasp—every day and at multiple times—you
have the power to show you truly care…you are a great listener…you can accept
someone for who and where they are in their life…you can show and be
loved…and—most importantly—you can make someone’s life better.
But giving your time and complete attention is darned near
impossible if you’re spending all your time fiddling with your phone.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my smart phone. I can
reply to clients faster. I can delegate projects instantaneously. I
can update my social media status like no body’s business.
But smart phones have a dark side too:
·
Smart phones are the single biggest distraction
in our lives. For many of us, instead of us being “all in” when we’re
meeting with someone we know is important—like our friends, family members,
coworkers and others—we are only partly paying attention. We may be there
physically, but mentally and emotionally we’re thinking about emails, texting
someone miles away, surfing the Internet or wondering how many likes we’ll get
from our latest post. Our smart phones make it seem like we are afflicted
with some form of attention deficit disorder.
·
Smart phones mess up our eye contact. We
trust people who look at us. It’s tough to read someone when they are
constantly looking away or at their phone. It suggests they would rather
be somewhere else or doing something different. Smart phones are seductive.
They trick us into thinking that I’ll just look away for a moment, and then
I’ll be able to refocus. Forget it. You’ll want to check your phone
every few minutes. It will become such a force of habit that you won’t
even realize you’re doing it.
·
Smart phones make us feel like we have more
control, but we actually don’t. We have so many new communications tools
available to us. But are we any better communicators? Are your
relationships better now than they were five years ago? Does it really
matter to you that you now know the minutia of other peoples’ lives through
their barrage of posts? Wouldn’t you rather understand the big picture of
the people you care about?
Well, what should you do about all of this? Especially
if you’re younger and have spent your entire life online, taking a break from
your phone may be an out-of-body experience for you.
From my vantage point, you have two basic options.
First, you can go on letting your smart phone be the boss of
your life. Bring it everywhere you go. Never turn it off. Let
it distract, seduce and control you to your heart’s content. If you chose
this path, don’t worry. A lot of people are on it. You’ll blend in
fine and most people won’t notice the difference anyway—since they will be on
their smart phones doing the same thing.
Or, if you dare, you could decide that maybe part of the
purpose of your life is to help make the world you’re living in a little better
place, if just for one moment or one minute or one hour or one day.
You can do that by sharing your time and complete attention
with the people you’re in front of. Forget about your smart phone for a
minute. Silence it and put it away. Be totally in the moment.
If you’re in a business meeting, require that everyone put their
“screens down” and give their attention to topic at hand…especially if you’ve
spent a fortune getting them to the meeting.
What I’m suggesting may sound like it’s easy to do, but it’s
easier not to do. You will struggle. Your smart phone will tempt
you to pay more attention to it than who you’re meeting with. But don’t
you do it!
Just try getting through one meeting without your
phone. If you falter, forgive yourself and try again with your second
meeting. Like any important change in your life, it will take two or
three weeks of diligent effort, then it will start to seem totally natural to
put away your phone and get focused on the conversation at hand.
You will also quickly find yourself in the top five percent,
separated from your competitors and everyone else…and being noticed by
important people and people who are important to you. You’ll seem like a
natural winner.
And at that point, you may just find that your influence,
impact and life are exponentially better than they were when you were playing
with that dumb phone all the time!
About the Author
Tim O’Brien has worked with Lloyd Corder, Ph.D., on
several projects. Lloyd is founder and
CEO of strategic marketing research firm CorCom, Inc. and teaches at the Tepper
School of Business at Carnegie Mellon University. He is a frequent
keynote, convention and motivational speaker, and he has appeared on
business-oriented radio and television programs. Lloyd’s studies have
been published in more than 500 magazines and newspapers. For additional
information and resources, please visit CorCom-inc.com or contact him at corder@corcom-inc.com. On Twitter: @CorComInc
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